Post Exam Blues

The months leading up to my exams were filled with the anticipation that once my exams were over, I would feel like a free woman. Able to do what I wanted, when I wanted. Sure my last exam was only yesterday, but the overwhelming happiness I was so sure would hit me, didn't...

I think this is to do with the fact I am taking a gap year. Yes, I'm going travelling and doing all the exciting stuff that young people get up to on their year of freedom... but it all feels so far away. 

Another reason I expect I'm feeling like this is due to the fact that my boyfriend, who I have now been with for a year and a half, has a full time job and works extremely long and tiring hours. I should probably get a job too but I want to experience the complete and utter freedom that is doing nothing. 

Last night Jake (my boyfriend) and I went out to eat and had a few celebratory cocktails. It was a lovely evening and there's nothing more I love doing than spending time with him. However today I was woken up by his alarm at 5:30, kissed him goodbye and fell back asleep. I woke at around 10 which is rare for me as I am an early riser, and was filled with a feeling of emptiness. After being in education for 15 years of my life I almost felt as though i'd been released from some kind of prison. 

I think it's hard to know what direction to go in once you finish school. Obviously, in a few weeks I will get more of a routine and get a job but it will then be that job that my life revolves around... And you begin to organise seeing friends and loved ones based on what time you can get off. Isn't life funny.

I think i'm just worrying about what the future has in store for me a bit too much. Haha i'm fine, i promise. I'm content. I'm happy. 

How could I not be with a boyfriend that looks like this?!